FF Sept 15th – Hearts

Flash Fiction

Yep, it’s here again, Friday Fictioneers 100 word stories. Please visit Rochelle Wisoff-Fields to get all the information on how to join our group.

This weeks photo prompt was kindly supplied by Kelvin M. Knight. Please remember he retains all rights to his photo.

Now here’s my 102 (oops) word story – Hearts

FF - Sept 15th Bread
PHOTO PROMPT © Kelvin M. Knight

Sherry stared as the bread tumbled to the floor. The heart-shape reminder of love reopening the wound that was once her heart.

There had been a time when love had meant flowers, jewelry boxes, breakfasts with heart-shaped pancakes. Then came late nights at the office, the smell of whiskey on his breath, weekends spent alone. Her love slowly dripped from her battered heart.

The receipts for flowers and jewelry she never received morphed her hurt into an anger that scorched her soul.

She ground the bread into the floor with her heel picturing her ex’s heart. Hers beat a little easier.

Thanks for reading. I really struggled with the ending for this one. Let me know how I could have improved it.

Don’t forget the click HERE to read stories based on this week’s photo.

Cheers,

Cindy

 

Published by Life Lessons of a Dog Lover

I spent most of my career working for a marketing company in various roles. Since I "retired" several years ago I have spent my time crisscrossing North America with our four dogs.

Published

48 thoughts on “FF Sept 15th – Hearts”

  2. Hi Cindy. I think the ending is fine. You’re driven to that ending by the middle. If there’s a problem, it’s the middle. She’s a jilted woman, We know that trope so you didn’t need to spend words describing it. What you might have done with those words was to have shown us something unusual about the inside of her head as a response, something we’d never seen before in a jilted lover

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  3. There’s a lot of repetition of the word ‘heart’, though I see why you’ve used it so often. Like Neil, I think the ending works well – a sharp heel helps a torured soul! Nice FF

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  4. Dear Cindy,

    A sad but common story. The rat! BTW I can save you a word in your last sentence. I think you mean “Hers beat a little easier.” rather than “Her’s it beat a little easier.” No apostrophe needed in hers. Sorry to nitpick. I do like your story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  5. The end works fine in the context of the story – my only quibble would be would squashing a piece of bread really make her feel any better? I hope it does, but it feels like she needs something more – like finding a new love 🙂

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  6. Interestingly enough, my wife hates all that flowers and candy and jewelry stuff. For her, an expression of love is doing some project around the house, watching the grandkids when she’s out of town, or listening to her talk about her feelings, even when she repeats herself a lot.

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      1. There are times I have to really bite my tongue and just listen. It’s what she needs but my male brain wants to stop once I’ve heard everything the first time. Oy.

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  7. There’s only one thing that I would change and maybe someone else already pointed it out. The last sentence contains a grammatical error. The word “hers” never needs an apostrophe. It is a possessive pronoun. Also, the word “it” is unnecessary. I would write the sentence, “Hers beat a little easier.” Of course, you could play around with it. For instance, “Her own heart beat. . . .” or “Hers? It beat a little easier.”

    I really like your story. You said a great deal in just 100 words.

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    1. Thank you. I really appreciate taking the time to leave such a detailed comment. The possessive and “it” have been pointed out but glad you also did. I like your ending with the question mark.

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  11. I can’t find flaws. I think the description of her dilemma is well paced. Maybe she could have grabbed a suitcase at some point, but that would have taken away from the grinding of the hearty bread. I like the ending.

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  12. I like what you’ve done here. Her pain is palpable. For some reason and I thought this with a smirk, I might put that bread into the toaster and burn it–his heart was toast….but that’s me, right now, for some weird reason.
    Anyway, regardless, I stand by liking what you originally wrote and their is the lovely ridding of frustration by grinding the heel into the bread….and heel works on so many levels since that’s what he was.

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  14. Sad, but an all-too common story I think. The excitement and romance at the start becoming boredom and betrayal later. I like the image of her grinding the bread with her foot – some anger there still I think!

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  19. I’ve nothing further to add. There must have been some satisfaction at grinding that heart with the heel… Time to move on and find someone worthy!

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  21. I think the ending is better than you do. If I had to try to change it, maybe I’d try something like, ‘her heart pounded joyously/ecstatically/fiercely as she ground her heel into his heart she saw depicted in the bread on the floor. Or something like it. In all a good take on the prompt, I liked it. Sorry for the lateness of the comment, I’ve been away.

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    1. Thanks Michael I’m glad you liked my story. I liked your suggestion it really put the feeling behind the action. I think sometimes I get too close to my writing and can’t really evaluate it.

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      1. We all do that. Then we look at changing a word here and there when flipping the sentence completely makes a greater difference. I find this easier when I come back to the writing but FF doesn’t give you that time normally, we’re in too much of a rush to submit.

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