Since the day, 6 months ago, when you entered my life, quite literally like a bullet to the brain, you have dominated my thoughts. I have struggled to ignore you, to minimize your importance to my life.
I know, I know, you were as much an innocent bystander as I was. You were just carrying on a normal day sitting in that dark chamber, resting peacefully. Minding your own business. Just as I was. It was the ending a perfectly normal day, I had rushed out of work eager to see my pride and joy. I remember laughing to myself as I thought of what achievements my two-year old whirlwind had accomplished during the span of the day. I’m sure Jasmine could hardly contain herself, waiting to tell me of every step he took, of every object that had caught his attention and caused him to giggle in amazement. Everything was on track for a perfect evening with my family. Even the last-minute text from my wife – “Pls get milk. Love J” didn’t deflate my buoyant mood.
What if I had been two minutes later? What if I had not received the text until I driven past that familiar bodega? Could I have changed anything or were our worlds predestined to collide? Maybe you could have stopped it. Maybe you could have resisted entering the chamber, tumbled out of his hand and rolled across the room. Maybe you could have stood firm refusing to erupt in the flash of light. You were happy in your little home, weren’t you? You really didn’t want to hurt me. Did you?
I know. That’s all water under the bridge. You were forced to take an action, a path not of your own choosing. It doesn’t matter. Here we are, with you lodged in my head. And it seems, here you are destined to stay. The doctors are refusing to operate. Too dangerous. The outcome sure to be tragic. Do you feel as imprisoned as I do or do you feel your power? Do you realize you are in control? It’s up to you. You can stay where you are, or you could shift.
Do you understand the consequence of your shifting even a few millimeters? It may not really matter to you where you rest. It matters to me. For dear bullet, if you shift you will kill me. Some may see this as you completing the journey you started 6 months ago. I don’t. I do not accept you destination. Please don’t make me.
I implore you, dear bullet, stay put, do not move. I implore you for me, for Jasmine and for my little whirlwind.
Please do not move.