Welcome to the Friday Fictioneers Challenge of writing a story 100 words or less based on the photo prompt. Thanks once again to the wonderful Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting this challenge. Curious, click her name to get all the rules, join our group, post your take on the photo. Read other stories by clicking HERE.
This weeks photo was provided by Sarah Potter. Remember all photo’s are the property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers. They should not be used for any other purpose without express permission.
Here is my 103 word story based on the photo. I tried to eliminate the four extra words but was unsuccessful. I would pledge to write a 97 word story next week but let’s get real 100 words is hard enough, I don’t know if I can live up to a 97 word pledge.
Sarah Potter
Gleefully, I had plunged tiny fingers into cold moist soil and inhaled the scent Grandma called life. My mind twists around memories, the sound of rain on the windows, bright green shoots, Grandma’s soft voice narrating each step. The trips to the potting shed and the bountiful harvests ended my sophomore year when my interests strayed and grandma was lost to cancer. Her house was sold, life went on.
Decades later, facing a crossroad, a job lost, a husband jettisoned, the For-Sale listing drew me back. I will tend tiny shoots and inhale the scent of life while Grandma whispers in my ear.
Thanks for reading. Please leave me a comment, help me improve my writing.
Cindy
Life Lessons of a Dog Lover 
the sound of rain on the window was a lovely detail
LikeLike
Thanks Neil.
LikeLike
That is a most lovely story. A mere three words. At that point, who’s counting? 😉
LikeLike
Oh I do love this.. though sad it’s nice to have those roots to return to.
LikeLike
You asked for comments to improve your writing. I’d take a look at the range of tenses you’ve utilised in this short piece (pluperfect, perfect, present, and present continuous all in the first two sentences alone – and there are others later.) It’s a lovely idea though, and it’s strange how for many of us it seems gardening and plant-care brings back the essence of our parents and grandparents. You captured this well, Cindy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A lovely story, with a great tone. You should probably lose the ‘had’ in the first line, because it sounds like it should be in present tense to work with the second sentence.
LikeLike
Thanks Claire. I’ll update the story – good catch.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Claire, read the line with “had” again and I think it is correct and as rgayer55 pointed out it is the pluperfect tense. Who knew?:-)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, but it also works if you delete it – and then you’re one word closer to 100!
LikeLike
Good point!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as pluperfect tense. I still wouldn’t recognize one if I ran into her at Walmart.
As for the story, I sometimes have flashbacks of cherished times with my grandparents. I find those memories comforting and they help keep me grounded–which is exactly the way I interpreted your tale. Good one, Cindy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m with you on that, Russell. Must go look up pluperfect.
LikeLike
Thanks, I guess I accidently was grammatically correct. Glad the story brought your some good memories.
LikeLike
Your tale is lovely and made me want to see my grandparents once again.
LikeLike
Thanks, me too!
LikeLike
With my rapidly deteriorating eye sight I mistook the 103 for 108 and thought ‘Oh come-on! Really? 108? Then I made the text bigger and saw that it was only three words over. By the time I had finished reading your excellent story I had completely forgiven you. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks for the comment. Glad you found it worth reading even with the extra words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Cindy,
Lovely story and memories. 3 words over isn’t like some I’ve encountered of late. 2 weeks ago, one writer posted one that was nearly 300 words long. That’s what I consider self-indulgent and left neither like nor comment. Actually I can see where three words could be cut from this without much effort. Your call and I’m not going to quibble over three. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Rochelle if you have the time I would appreciate what words you would cut. Thanks for the kind comments, glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Hi Cindy,
Since you asked. When I edit my stories adjectives are usually the first to go. Like Grandma’s soft voice…soft could go. However, I copied and pasted your story into Word and whittled it down to 99 words. I left ‘soft.’
I changed ‘was lost to cancer’ to ‘died of cancer.’ I also took out two ‘a’s. “job lost, husband jettisoned…” And I also took out will in front of tend. Not only does that make it more immediate it also changes the sentence to being all one tense. “…I tend…Grandma whispers…”
Of course those are my suggestions. In the end it’s your decision and 3 words are nothing to be ferklempt over. 😉
A lovely story no matter what.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Rochelle, I love the changes you made. In hindsight they seem so obvious. Taking out “will” does make it more immediate. Thanks
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a lovely story. Life moves on as life does and finally comes full circle. I love the phrase “husband jettisoned” 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you, glad you liked the story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A lovely post. Also learned a lot from the comments.
LikeLike
Thanks, glad you liked the posts. I too learned from the comments.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A lovely story, Cindy of a remembrance of love and desire to return to the place it was experienced. Good writing. 🙂 — Suzanne
LikeLike
Thanks so much Suzanne for kind comment.
LikeLike
I love the thought of inhaling the scent of life. Nicely done.
LikeLike
Thanks Clare.
LikeLike
I’m late commenting so many have already said what I want to. Great story with a great feeling.
LikeLike
Thanks Michael. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
LikeLike