Friday Fictioneers, March 3rd – I See You

Last week I broke with tradition and wrote a story based on my childhood. This week I wrote a fiction piece that is based on a childhood activity. I hope that gazing at clouds searching for something familiar is a tradition known worldwide. From that wide-eye child’s perspective springs this story.

But before we get to that, a few pieces of important business. First, thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for continuing to challenge us. Please take a moment to visit Rochelle at her site and take the challenge to write a 100 word micro-story based on the photo prompt. This week Rochelle also provided the beautiful photo.

Next, I encourage you to take some time to visit the link to many other stories based on the prompt. It is always amazing to discover the wide variety of tales based on a single image. Click HERE for this weeks stories.

Now to the heart of the matter, the photo and my story –

sun-and-clouds
PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

The grass prickled at nine-year old Debbie’s bare legs.

“A hippopotamus!” She exclaimed pointing towards a large cloud, laughter bubbling up.

“Your turn, Katie.” Debbie, turned towards her left. The empty space threatened to swallow her whole.

“Katie’s in heaven, playing with the other angels.” Momma had said, her voice like tires rolling over gravel, hesitant, sounding like she was not quite convinced.

For months Debbie’s loneliness sat on her chest like an elephant. Every breathe was a struggle. Now playing her little sister’s favorite game, Debbie squinted, no longer feeling alone she whispered.

“I see you.”

97 Words

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the story.

Cindy

 

 

Advertisements

32 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers, March 3rd – I See You

  1. Yes, we’ve all been cloudwatchers. “I see you” is a greeting in Southern Africa where the culture is that people become people through other people – so seeing someone is the greatest recognition you can give them, I have a particular fondness for “I see you” and have woven it into many stories

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Never stop looking, you just may find the silver lining. Thanks for dropping by and for the kind comment.

      Like

  2. Dear Cindy,

    Lovely story. I’ll bet children around the world gaze at clouds. I think you mean playing with the ‘angels’ as opposed to ‘angles.’ 😉 Easy word to typo. I did it on a sign once and it wasn’t quite as easy to fix. Nonetheless, it doesn’t take away from the beautiful, poignant story you’ve written. I see you.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  3. Dear Cindy,
    I still enjoy looking at clouds, and I’m sixty-one. I loved the metaphor of tires rolling over gravel to describe Mama’s voice and her questioning tone. I’m confident that Katie’s in heaven and smiling down at Debbie. Wonderful use of the prompt.

    Like

  4. Sad yet somehow also sweet.

    Funnily enough, I previously commented on someone else’s story that I first tried to write a story involving the “fire-breathing hippo cloud” 🙂

    Like

  5. (turned towards to her left – I think you might want to delete either “towards” or “to”. Plus it would give you one more word to paly with.)

    This is a very sweet tale. Full of love and loss and longing. ” like tires rolling over gravel, hesitant, sounding like she was not quite convinced.” is my favorite line.

    Like

    1. Alicia, thanks so much for pointing out the error. I never pick these up no matter how often I read it. Glad you liked the story.

      Like

  6. I really like the description of a “voice like tires rolling over gravel”. It brings to mind a voice, dry from crying too often, and the mental image of a tire rolling over gravel, adds to the feeling of an over-sized weight pressing on her.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment with such detail. Glad you liked the story.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s