Friday Fictioneers, Feb 17th – Susie Q

Yep, it’s that time again. Below is my 100 word story based, on the photo prompt, for this week’s Friday Fictioneers.

Don’t know about this challenge, want to join? Click her name to visit our host Rochelle Wisoff-Fields site that has all the information you need.

Here is this week’s prompt –

broken-face-liz
PHOTO PROMPT © Liz Young

Now for my story –

Being late turned her insides to jelly and sent her mind reeling with horrible possibilities.

Annie quickly shifted her weight from foot to foot.

“Come on, come on, change.” She implored the street light.

“She’s old enough to be left alone. She’s fine.” Annie reassured the pedestrians around her.

The light changed and Annie pushed her way forward, then veered off the sidewalk into the woods.

“Ah Susie Q, I knew you’d be okay. Mommy’s sorry she left you alone so long.”

Annie stoked the long dark hair and checked to ensure her possessions were just as she had left them.

Word Count – 101

Thanks for dropping by and reading. I love feed back. Leave a few words in my comments. If you would like to read more stories click Friday Fictioneers.

Have a great day,

Cindy

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26 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers, Feb 17th – Susie Q

    1. Christine, thanks for commenting. I have been bothered by my story myself. Once I posted it I realized I had not done a good job and I have been struggling whether I should rewrite it. The story is about a mentally ill women who thinks the mannequin head is her child. Yes the comment to the pedestrians was to show she is off balance. I am so glad that despite my weak effort this week you took the time to comment.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I have been struggling with this one. Once I posted it I thought it may be too vague and more “tell” then “show”.

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    1. Sorry if I freaked you out. I don’t think I did a good job on this story. My intent was she is a mentally unstable homeless women that thinks the mannequin head is her child.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. You captured this well. My wife worked for the city. Her and another lady took care of the greenhouse and flower beds in primary park. It was a place where a lot of homeless tried to make home. Many of them were like your character. It broke my wife’s heart, but there was little she could do about it.

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    1. Thanks for dropping by. I am like your wife, it breaks my heart to see homeless people that have obvious mental health issues. Living on the street isn’t a choice they have made.

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  2. I sort of got this first time, so your worries you hadn’t done a good job are unfounded, I think. The only thing for me was, I thought it was a young child with a doll hidden in the woods, the mentally handicapped explanation gives it a harder edge though and more likely because otherwise, we’d start asking questions as to why the young girl was unsupervised.

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    1. Thanks for your comments. After I hit that post button, I thought of different ways I could improve the story and get the message clearer. I am encourage that like you several readers got the story.

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  3. I thought it was a nice bit of misdirection, leading us to believe she was anxious because of a child and then realizing that she’s been thinking about her doll guarding her treasures.

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